What up? This is gonna be sick.
Sam, are you ready to get hurt?
Hell, yeah! Born ready.
Sammy's gonna ring the doorbell of her ex-boyfriend,
even though she knows his new girlfriend lives there right now.
It's gonna be sick.
Yeah!
- Let's get it! - Yeah!
Hey. What are you doing here?
I am still single, and last week,
I made a fake Instagram account to stalk your girlfriend,
and she's prettier than me!
What the...
My God! That hurt my heart so bad!
Let's see that again in slow-mo.
I'm still single...
- No! - No, no! Who cares?
- It's okay! - You're everything!
You--
You're gonna find someone. You're gonna be good, and you know what?
Smol, dude, you're smol.
- I'm smol. - And rare.
- Yeah!
- Smol and rare! - Yeah!
Meet the Shlesingers.
Seemingly normal newlyweds on the outside,
but with a twist,
once you step inside their home.
No. She is not like other wives.
Look alive!
When we first started dating, she was this...
How do you say it?
Girl?
But, since we got married...
it's like she's my bro, and my wife.
She's my husband-wife.
Brothers.
Yeah.
Husband Wife...
an all-new docu-series
on ISC.
All right.
Let's get you jerked off so you're not horny at dinner.
- Come on. - All right.
From their unconventional marriage dynamic...
Whoa! Put your butt away!
No one's trying to see that.
...to their unexpected sleeping challenges.
Yeah.
Sharing a bed with her is a whole thing.
You didn't flush!
This big. Do you see that?
That's the size of a full-grown bass.
That's my girl.
I love you.
Don't you flush that.
Bass dump!
- You want some fruit punch? - Sure.
See how they attempt to navigate life...
as a normal couple...
...in a society
that shuns their lifestyle.
It got foamy.
ISC's Husband Wife.
- Come on. - No,
- come on, I... - Come on.
You feel that?
- Yeah. - That's our dinner.
Tuesday at one-ish on ISC.
You wanna feel the chicken?
And you have a chicken.
You may be wondering,
"Do I need a catheter?"
And the answer is,
maybe.
Why not stick one in and see how you like it?
I'm Ellen Plebles, and this is week two
of the Ripped Fat Dudes workout.
A four-week program I designed
to keep you in the best shape you can be
as an adult male who eats peanut butter sandwiches in between meals.
Let's meet some of our trainers.
This is Joe.
He's my advanced Ripped Fat Dude.
Notice Joe's pecs are puffy.
Nebulous, shapeless.
They're almost a full A cup.
Joe, tell everyone how you maintain that Ripped Fat Dude shape.
Well, I used to play baseball, I ate waffles
- three to four times a day. - Nice, Joe.
Now let's blast through
five grown-man push-ups slowly. Hit it.
I want you to notice Joe's form.
See how he keeps it wide.
That way, he's guaranteed to get a jacked armpit, covered in stretch marks.
This is the perfect workout to do
at your niece's christening or in the parking lot of any Best Buy.
And when you're done, make sure to chug down
one to two full-calorie Monster Energy drinks.
Nice job, Joe.
Three...
two...
one.
Rest.
I always like to incorporate
an excruciatingly slow bicep curl
into every workout I do. Why?
Because it does not burn any calories.
That way, you can get a ripped shoulder
with a generous layer of fat covering it.
And that's how we're going to maintain that Ripped Fat Dude Physique.
Remember, the Ripped Fat Dude workout plan is all about adding bulk
without any definition.
You wanna look like a potato that's been squeezed by thumbs.
We're talking Matt Damon in between movies,
or Russell Crowe at his absolute peak.
Make sure to down a 64-ounce
Hot Sweat at every meal.
Active recovery.
I'm Ellen Plebles.
I'll see you Ripped Fat Dudes around.
And by around, I mean hanging out doing nothing
on the perimeter of every MMA gym in South Boston.
Let's get it.
We're here at Rick's Snake Farm. Shit's about to get real messed up
- because I brought my friend, Liz... - Hi.
...who wasn't invited
because she and Sammy are kind of on the outs right now,
since Liz dropped out last minute to Sammy's 35th in Palm Springs,
but I'm pretty sure Liz still paid for the room.
- I did. - So Sammy has no reason to still be upset.
Either way, I did not text Sammy to let her know Liz was coming.
- You didn't tell her? - Let's do this.
I'd rather not.
What's up? I'm Sammy Nashville,
and we're at Rick's Snake Pit.
- We're gonna go get some snakes-- - Hey, Sammy!
Hi, Liz.
Hi.
I brought Liz.
I can see that.
- What did you do? - What?
- Let's talk. - Okay.
- The show at my expense! - What's wrong with you?
What do you mean what's wrong with me?
- This is my show! - I get it, I get it!
- She is a bitch-- - But whatever, she's our friend--
You guys, I'm standing, like,
three feet away!
It was a sick-ass stunt that hurt everyone involved, even me.
Next time, on Female Jackass,
Stef's gonna tell me that everyone thinks I'm kind of a bitch.
But the truth is, if they just took a second to get to know me,
they'd see that I'm actually really shy.
She was the greatest star in the world.
I love you!
I'm your biggest fan!
One of the greatest songwriters in history.
Your album is triple platinum,
you've got 14 Grammys,
sold out world tour.
You're the only artist to perform alongside her own hologram.
Tell me, how did this all start?
It was a long time ago...
You write that?
I think you've got what it takes.
Gee, I don't know, mister.
I'm just a waitress who sings...
tiny songs to her...
tiny dog.
There's someone I'd like you to meet.
Iliza, this is Buddy.
Hi.
You think you could... do one for him?
You've got a thick paw,
and you know it's true.
You've got flappy lips,
and you know it's you.
Now, shake that thick body.
Shake that thick body.
You've gotta share this gift...
with the world.
The true story
of a once-in-a-lifetime talent.
And all the dogs were there. I mean, the dogs are always there, but I was...
Pan Pan likes you.
Full of love...
- and... - Iliza!
...betrayal.
I wanna see my wife.
- Sorry. - I'm her husband.
She's with a fan right now.
A fan?
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you so much!
We love you! We love you!
Bye!
Follow a star's meteoric rise...
...and cosmic collapse.
With unpredictable twists...
Iliza!
Leave us alone.
I don't know who you are anymore!
Cats don't get songs.
I can't be here.
You gotta get back out there, kid.
There's dogs everywhere
who need to hear the nonsense you sing.
...and an unbelievable comeback.
Iliza?
Yes!
It's me!
You can do this.
I believe in you.
If I'm a tiny dog, then you're...
a big person.
The inspiring story of one of the most iconic voices in music.
Why does she need a band?
The world is a dangerous place.
From natural disasters,
to gun violence and more,
tragedy could strike
any time.
It's important to stay informed, so you can stay safe.
What if there was an app that warned you about emergencies...
...with up-to-the-minute notifications to keep you out of harm's way?
Introducing Mom Alert.
Breaking news on the biggest threats
from a team of moms with their fingers on the pulse.
I can get back to my journaling now.
"Salmonella outbreak in Italy. Dirty shrimp.
Please stay safe."
Just plug in your location to start getting updates about emergencies
within the radius of the entire Earth.
You can even customize your preferences by type of tragedy,
and then continue to receive alerts
about all of them, no matter what you pick.
I was all set to go on my honeymoon in Italy.
Then Mom Alerts told me about my cousin
being robbed in Toronto one time.
I dodged that bullet.
I travel a lot for work.
On a recent trip to Colorado,
Mom Alerts reminded me about JonBenét Ramsey.
Thank God.
If it wasn't for Mom Alerts,
I wouldn't know about my mom's friend Jody's son,
the one who went to Tups.
He got his moles checked.
He's fine.
Our moms are working around the clock, ready whenever,
wherever, to send you instant alerts
as soon as the news breaks,
and delayed warnings that come several years later
about something they kind of remember.
Life-or-death news alerts
the way you want them,
sandwiched between cryptic, mundane updates
about other things.
And sign up for Mom Alert Premium
to hear audio warnings with even more detail.
Valeria said it has a bad battery.
Or something. I don't remember.
And it exploded in someone's mouth.
Blew up their whole head.
Or something like that.
It's a lawsuit.
Did you see this?
Anyway, just calling to make sure that you don't have that toothbrush.
Thanks, Mom Alerts?
And coming soon, Dad Alert.
Hey, buddy.
It's just this message.
Twice a day. Nothing else.
Wow!
We made that.
Wow! Right?
I mean, goes without saying, and yet here I am saying it,
we are so pleased with how this campaign is being received.
Right? Bridget, do you care to walk us through some of the roll-out details?
So, we launched last month across digital,
traditional, streaming, and even print.
- Ooh! - It was a bold strategy,
but the numbers are really paying off.
- Incredible. - Okay!
That is really exciting stuff.
- I'll take it. - That is really exciting stuff.
Now, who we're dealing with here,
you know, they're a high premium brand.
And so, success here...
It means that... that we can work
with those kinds of high caliber brands.
That's exactly what I was thinking. If I could just jump in for a second.
We've had some fantastic calls
with Martin's head, you know,
- and Traegus Solutions. - Yeah.
And if we circle back next week,
I think we can close those deals.
Yeah.
And I would add Hodge to that list, too.
Hunter and I had a great conversation with them last month,
and I wanna circle back with them 'cause I think they're really ready
to do some business.
Thank you, Sonia. I love to know that.
No problem.
This is gonna come as no surprise to all you guys, but...
it all comes back to the creator.
You know?
Chris, congrats again on that.
I wonder if you wanna talk...
You know, from a content perspective, about...
how that went down?
We were really working with...
a great team of creatives,
who I think totally got the product.
Sonia...
Were you able to connect with the client?
Not since last week, but...
I'm gonna see Kathy at the event on Tuesday.
I'm gonna circle around with her to see if they're still ready to engage.
If I could just chime in here...
This has no doubt been a success on so many levels, all right?
But, from a sales perspective,
I think that we can do better in Q3.
What we need to do is increase the money
for these types of projects specifically.
I wanna say...
it's possible that this deal pre-dates our new sales goals.
Or at least,
will be made more explicit.
And we can go granular on that on the sales call on Friday.
I'll make a note of that.
Here's the thing...
Just real quick, Hunter and Hoyt,
if you guys can't hear us right now,
it's because we're on this end digging into some fabulous...
nectarines. So tasty,
so supple, so fresh.
Really, really juicy.
My God!
It isn't an issue here.
We're hearing you loud and clear.
Thanks, Hoyt. Hunter?
Same situation here.
We've had ourselves. Just let us know
if our nectarines become an issue.
They haven't. It's been fine.
Okay, great, then we're all on the same page.
Actually, Hunter, now might be a really good time
to get some developments of what's going on your end, so...
What's new in Singapore, brother?
We've gone on really good meetings out here.
I wouldn't say anything was closed,
but I would say
we're close.
Come on! Come on!
My God.
I think that's enough updates for the afternoon.
I just wanna be the first to thank you all
for giving us time today.
It was our pleasure! Our pleasure.
That's what we're here for.
Iliza! Brett!
- Can we get y'all in here? - Here we go. Hit me, baby.
- Hello! - Hit me, hit me!
Baby?
I just don't think we can afford a trip this year.
Babe. You know I need a vacation.
I know.
This is garbage.
Wait, what is this?
Paula, look.
Come over here. This is insane.
London for $100.
- What? - Round trip to Maui,
- $55. - Wow.
Two hundred dollars to Shanghai?
Ibiza? Paris?
- That's amazing. - Do we love?
It's amazing.
Yeah. So, okay, wait, wait, wait.
What does the fine print say?
- "Some restrictions apply." Okay. - Okay.
"Posted fees include tax and do not include additional bag charges.
Also, you may have to kiss your dad for six whole minutes?
Blackout dates apply.
You and your best friend have to get matching haircuts.
Extended leg room offered at an additional charge.
You can only bring one carry-on bag and it must be a hamster.
No food is allowed on the flight unless you bring enough for everyone.
Anyone who says the word "me" or "I" or "plane"
will be doused in soup."
I'm thinking...
- no. - Let's go for it.
Obviously.
Thank you and we do hope
you have a good flight.
- I'm so glad we did this. - Aw.
Paris, baby.
I'm glad we're almost halfway there.
I'm just gonna, like, grab a little shuteye.
- Yeah. Do you, babe. - Yeah, baby.
Okay.
Hello!
And welcome!
I'm Cashew Albacore,
CEO and inventor of Air Cashew,
the world's first airline owned by just me.
I hope you love adventure
because it's time to flew.
- After 30 years... - What?
...in the rat and mustard business,
I saved up enough money to buy my own airline.
Me even designed the uniforms.
Spiffo!
Beverage? We have hot soda and warm hair.
- No, thank you. - Ew.
We're committed to staying in the air once we've taken off.
And now, it's Pine Cone Time!
Our air is different
from other airlines,
but I won't tell you how.
- We're gonna die! - Gonna die.
Your words, not mine.
I prefer words like
truffle pig, hot scrod, goose dust,
- We're gonna die. - and the Spanish word for dream,
sueño.
It took a big, hot sueño to sew this plane together.
- Sew? - So,
all our planes are homemade and FDA-certified, nom nom.
I tried to buy
my own sports team,
but no one wanted to be called the Denver Doodles of Nashville.
So I turned my sights to the skies.
I can't believe this is happening.
Did you say "I"?
Danni,
in 3C.
Okay. Okay.
Better not complain,
or we'll have to wake up the pilot.
Just kidding! It's me,
and welcome to Cashew Air,
the only airline
where you can earn...
points.
So, fasten your meatbelts,
and go to sleep,
because you're on Cashew Air.
Cashew Air!
Something is wrong with me.